I am, what some may call, a middle-aged woman; I don’t feel middle-aged, certainly not in my head. My body, on the other hand, feels old and decrepit, that’s because I’m fat/chubby/dumpy/chunky/obese; as you can see there are a number of ways to describe my outward appearance; none of which are very flattering.  I also have  lipoedema and fibromyalgia.  Both conditions are poorly understood, and even harder to diagnose; I myself struggle to recognise whether I suffer from them or use them as an excuse.  However, the pain and discomfort are real and often debilitating.

“Lipedema or lipoedema (European spelling) is an incurable, chronically progressive affliction that occurs almost exclusively in women. It causes a symmetrical accumulation of fat in the subcutaneous tissue that disproportionately affects the lower limbs from buttocks to ankles”
“Fibromyalgia, also called fibromyalgia syndrome (FMS), is a long-term condition that causes pain all over the body. As well as widespread pain, people with fibromyalgia may also have: increased sensitivity to pain. fatigue (extreme tiredness) muscle stiffness”

I live in Birmingham, UK with my long-suffering husband and our four cats.  My husband has his own demons; anxiety, depression and agoraphobia, so all-in-all, we are physically or mentally reliant on each other to some extent; this has its challenges.  This is why I have decided to write this blog; to off-load some of the chatter in my head, most of which is not helpful to a happy and fulfilling life.



My Darkness;

…my little cat, Izzi…

…the dark thoughts that swirl around in my head during the day…

…the even darker thoughts that buzz around my head at night…

…and the darkest thoughts, the ones I am sometimes too scared to acknowledge…

This blog will house them all!



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