Hubby was out last night, while I went to the pictures with Lesley (Doctor Sleep), with his old work colleagues from Severn Trent, despite my warnings, he didn’t get home ’til 2:30am. I pretended to be asleep to spare his blushes of being a sad, old drunk but, to be honest, I was a little pissed off because he was out so late. I’m not complaining about his going out or his drinking, I just wish he didn’t stay out so late or drink so much, as this tends to have a knock-on effect to our weekend and me specifically. Anyway this morning instead of hanging around the house waiting for him to get up I decided to go out for breakfast. I had planned to go to EAT in the Bullring but whilst driving there I changed my mind because as it is the run up to Christmas I thought he car park would be busy; especially when I’m ready to go home and I didn’t fancy being stuck in a traffic jam. Therefore, I drove round to my favourite ‘disabled’ spot on Bennett’s Hill only to be confronted by ‘no parking bollards’. ‘Bollock’s to Bollards’. I then decided to stick to my first idea and head for the Bullring however, on the way there I changed my mind once again and headed for Costa at One Stop.
It is while at Costa, One Stop that I am writing this. I still feel a little nervous using it whilst in public; stupidly I am scared if some ne’er do well takes a liking to it and knowing I’m physically weak will just grab it off me, or worse, hijack me on the way back to the car. I feel really bad having these thoughts; in all my life I’ve never had any problems (touching wood) and I honestly don’t think I’m likely to. The problem is its hard to ignore the news headlines constantly reminding you of horrible things happening to ordinarly people, every day. I find myself looking around the cafe trying to figure out who, if at all anyone, would be my nemesis. Thankfully, most look ordinary; and older couple, a couple of youngish dads with their small children, another middle-aged woman who looks to be waiting for a friend/lover. Everyone looks incredibly ordinary, then again what does a ne’er do well look like?
This is a question I ask myself quite often and there is no easy answer. Depending on what you read, who you speak to or what TV programmes you watch if can change. In Britain, invariably, young Black men are demonised, followed by foreigners of any type and the archetypal white british male coming in last. Unfortunately, nowadays it doesn’t matter whether they are Black, Asian, White or other I feel ill at ease with most young people. They have a confidence and cock-suredness that my generation, and those before me, seem to lack. Before, you jump down my throat for over-generalising…fuck off… that’s what I do and I’m not going to apologise for it. I believe before you can truly understand a problem/subject etc. it is necessary to start somewhere and over-generalising is my way of framing the question.