It’s Friday evening, time to breathe a huge sigh of relief at having gotten through another week. I can’t believe I’ve had to put the heating on ‘cos its so cold and damp; its ruddy August – British Summertime!! What a joke. I can’t believe a couple of months ago I was complaining ‘cos we had a three day heatwave now it feels like winter has come early. I only hope we have an Indian summer, I’ve yet to be able to sit in the garden, or fire up the barbecue.
On a positive note, I’m feeling relatively upbeat having checked out some blogs relating to fibromyalgia. I no longer feel laden down believing I’m some sort of fraud, neither am I convinced I will never have another dark day. Its been nice to hear other people put into words how I feel physically and mentally. Just knowing I’m not alone has perked me up even though as I sit writing this my back, shoulders and legs ache, I’m yawning so widely I feel I could swallow my own head and I feel so exhausted I could sleep for a week. I’m fighting the urge against going to bed because I’m hoping when I eventually get there I will be able to have a good, deep sleep and feel refreshed in the morning. I say hoping ‘cos I don’t know how long its been since I had a good, deep and refreshing sleep. I’m not complaining too much just now ‘cos compared to a few months ago at least I’m getting better sleep. Two things make sleeping difficult; 1) I need to pee at least 2-3 times a night, doesn’t seem to matter how much or little I drink I still need to get up and pee. 2) I can never find a comfy position for too long. I am constantly changing position and the number of pillows and cushions I use to help me. Sometimes, its better if I sleep in an almost sitting position but then my back or legs begin to ache, sometimes I’m lying down and my shoulders and arms begin to ache. Often I sleep on my side with a pillow between my legs (did I mention I’ve had severe coccyx pain for years) and cuddling another pillow. Each position offers its comfort, but not for long. I can usually tell if I’m going to have a bad night and I end up taking a pain killer (Co-codamol) before going to bed, I think it has become a habit and I’m not sure if I get any real benefit from it anymore, other than it helping me to relax. Some nights I fight the urge to pop the pain meds and end up waking in the night in more pain than usual. Catch 22.
Tonight I know I’m going to suffer, we’ve decided to have a little treat, Indian takeaway for dinner; my favourite, chicken tikka masala. The main problem being its so delicious, I never know when to stop eating; especially fresh naan bread. The main problem some foods are so delicious its hard to give them up. Anyway, decision has been made and now I just have to live with the consequences – hopefully they won’t be too bad!