What a strange week it has been. I’m on a more even keel with my husband following my rant last week. He’s still not perfect (neither am I) but I’ve managed to offload a lot of my frustration and angst here. No doubt things will settle for a few months before they start to build up again. It would seem my mental distress has now morphed into physical distress as I’ve not been feeling too well, not really poorly, just a bit under the weather. I think my body is rebelling against me. You see I’ve had a lot of abdominal discomfort, feeling bloated and full of trapped wind. I’ve also been feeling as if I’m coming down with something, all cold and achy. Now I’m not sure if this has to do with fibromyalgia, lipoedema or poor nutrition, all I know is I’ve been feeling really off this week and I can’t seem to shift this bloated feeling despite drinking hot lemon, ginger, ACV and honey. Added to this I’ve got some major paranoia about cancer going round in my head (due to the fact I’m a medical secretary in the oncology department of a large hospital) and all day I’m typing letters about bloated abdomens, ascites, discomfort etc. being symptoms of some cancers. (I need to get a new job were the focus is less doom-laden). Added to this is the constant feeling that I’ve failed in some way, failed because I am unable to control my desires when it comes to food; failed because I am unable to control my physical being through exercise.
I realise one of my main problems is my failure to accept I may have one or two debilitating conditions, which I am not responsible for or able to control; lipoedema and fibromyalgia. Somehow, despite diagnosis, I do not feel I have accepted these conditions. Is it because since diagnosis I’ve been left high and dry to manage them without much input from the medical profession? I was under the lymphoedema service for my lipoedema but was discharged recently because there is nothing more they can do for me; I can get my compression stockings on prescription from my GP. I’m told my lipoedema exists, but the problems I experience from it are no longer a priority for them, yet they have been the only ones who have acknowledged it. My GP hasn’t, and doesn’t seem to want to understand. Likewise, I was referred to a rheumatologist who diagnosed fibromyalgia and was summarily discharged back to my GP, with no care plan, advice or anything, merely the ability to request pain medication as and when required. Is it any wonder I’m confused, depressed and defeated. I am expected to deal with these conditions without any formal medical training and without any input from the medical profession. All I have at my disposal is information gleaned off the the internet or from books. Is it any wonder I am driving myself mad trying to figure the best way to manage my condition when I don’t know the first thing about it, or how to manage it. I feel let down by the NHS and its practitioners, whose salaries I contribute to.
Working in the NHS I see first hand how dysfunctional it is. Don’t get me wrong there are a lot a good people working really hard to provide a good service, the problem is there are too many numpties and the focus of the NHS is all wrong. For a long time the NHS has been hijacked by pharmaceutical companies and big business who have moved it from being a “comprehensive range of services, universal and free at the point of delivery for ordinary residents in the UK”; running it down, stripping it of all its assets, so it can be sold off for peanuts. There are too many managers in the NHS who have no understanding of health care and who are there, purely to feather their own nests, financially or politically. What is apparent is how stupid and near sighted they are, because when the NHS is sold off to private enterprise their jobs will be the first to go, because they are fucking shite at what they do! Anyone with a bit of nous will see them for what they are; a bunch of spivs, employed to do the dirty work for those who don’t want to get their hands dirty, i.e. the elite. The other problem I’ve seen, now I don’t know if this is particular to Birmingham or it is more widespread, but the incestuousness nature of the NHS, the sheer volume of nepotism that goes on, beggars belief. The amount to people who have risen through the ranks in a very short space of time and without qualification or experience is unbelievable. It’s no wonder money is draining out of the NHS, there is no-one in a true leadership position, there are too many jumped up little hitlers, who know fuck all, running the show.
Sometimes I welcome the idea of private ownership only to see the looks on those fucking idiots faces when they get shown the door. I do however, believe in the NHS, healthcare is not something that should be bought and sold, fundamental healthcare should be a human right. Equally, I think we need to be clearer on what type of free healthcare we nee; it should not be there to put right what went wrong in private healthcare, like botched up plastic surgery. Also, I don’t think it should offer fertility treatment, there are already too many people in the world, there must be a reason why some people are unable to reproduce spontaneously, and maybe there is a reason we shouldn’t encourage them (perhaps they produce more fuckwits!!). I also think we need to take a more holistic approach to healthcare, starting with nutrition. I also think its about time the food industry were made to clean up their act; I sometimes think they are in league with the pharmaceutical industry, one to get us sick and the other to provide the (so-called) cure. It seems us normal folk are paying over the odds for everything; we’re paying good money for shit food, good money for dodgy pharmaceuticals, good money to the state for services that sub-standard, verging on shit. Bloody-hell, I could go on. Basically, all I want is a healthcare system that when you’re ill, or struggling, there is someone willing and able to help. Where the necessary time is made available to discuss related issues and it is not limited to a 10 minute slot where you can only discuss one topic, then be shown the door. A healthcare system which listens rather than just dispenses quick remedies per an online guidebook, I could get that information from Google. There are some things in life that can’t be boiled down to cost efficiencies and healthcare is just one of those things. Healthcare should, under no circumstances, be commodified and those who are hungry to do so, like Richard Branson, should be euthanised…