I think the best thing to do is move on, no point dwelling it the past.  I had taken a quick look at my last post and realised I was in a bit of a dark place then; thankfully things are not quite so dark now.  Its not all rosy in the garden though.

I’ve been trying to eat better, cut down on some of the rubbish.  I find it difficult to be organised, especially in the morning, particularly on work days.  I’ve got into the habit of taking spelt toast with peanut butter to eat later.  Its easy to prepare and easy to transport.  However, the last couple of days I’m not sure if its the toast, peanut butter, the coconut latte or my hot lemon drink but something has given me severe upper right flank pain radiating to my back.  Stupidly I looked on google and I’m now convinced I’ve got pancreatitis.  Despite what you may think that’s a lot better than what I thought it initially was – the big C.  Actually, in all honesty I think I suffer, as many do, with health anxiety and I think this is heightened by my job as a medical secretary.  In every specialty I’ve worked I recognise myself as having some of the symptoms of chronic disease.  I’ve been working in oncology recently and typing those letters has got me all in a cancer-fluster.  It would seem women of a certain age (i.e. my age and peri-, post- or menopausal) who develop symptoms of bloating, stomach distension, abdominal pain, intermittent bleeding etc. are automatically sent to the gynaecologists for further investigation.  Biopsies follow, and before long they are diagnosed with some form cancer even though they are well, and all they had was a little polyp and a healthy lifestyle.  Then its chemo or radiotherapy, or both and their symptoms, which were bugging them a little, become full-on cancer treating sickness.

I’m no medical professional but I do wonder whether the drug companies and companies with vested interest in health care are screwing us over.  I believe the medical profession and the public are being held to ransom by the drug companies.  Doctors are told how, when and what to treat within NICE guidelines (calling them NICE is the biggest irony) and the solution always seems to be drug-related and if they can’t cure it they’ll cut it out with surgery.  There never seems to be a holistic solution, something which takes into account the person, their choices, lifestyle, background etc.  Because of my struggle with weight, depression and recently diagnosed ailments of lipoedema and fibromyalgia, I have become increasingly interested in finding solutions which are more natural, herbal and organic.  Unfortunately, there is a lot of information on the internet, some good, some bad and some downright crazy.  Its very difficult sifting through it all trying to find the thing (s) that work for you.

The internet is were I found the idea of hot lemon drink with ACV, ginger and honey along with coconut oil pulling, LCHF and a number of other things.  I’ve given them all a go, but I’m not convinced of their benefits for me.  Is it because I’ve not tried them long enough or is it because I still continue with all the other rubbish.  Do I need to become a lettuce eating, nut chewing, no meat, no dairy, no chocolate only vegetables and fruit-eating monster.  Would that cure me of all my ills, will it prevent me from getting or having cancer, will it ease my symptoms from lipoedema and fibromyalgia?  Have I got the will power and stamina to really, truly try it out?  Do I have lipoedema and fibromyalgia?  Are these conditions real or are they invented to lessen the mental suffering of people like me who are shit at dieting?  As each day goes by it becomes more and more difficult to make any sense of anything, fake news and bullshit seem to be the order of the day, so what is real, what is fake?  I thought I was fairly clever but I don’t know if I’d recognise bullshit anymore.  Maybe hot lemon and ACV is bullshit!

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