I wasn’t going to write anything today because its quite late and I’ve had yet another crappy day which I wanted to forget, but I think writing this blog will be cathartic. So here goes!
I’ve felt angry and frustrated all day. I’ve had to bite my tongue (actually my bottom lip) to stop from exploding in a fit of rage or from having a complete emotional breakdown. I’m not sure if I’m frustrated with myself or whether I’m mainly frustrated with everyone around me. I’ve previously mentioned that I’m not a small woman, but neither am I tall; I’m almost as round as I am tall and I’m only 5’4″, yet somehow I feel invisible. I feel taken advantage of and ignored. I try to be a nice person. I try to be considerate of others needs, sometimes to the detriment of myself. I try to treat others how I’d like to be treated but how is it, I never seem to be treated that way; with respect, compassion, understanding, kindness etc. I think I’ve got one of those faces i.e. resting bitch face, but all I am is fearful, and a little shy. You see, I don’t fit in. I never have. I think I was never socialised properly as a kid. I feel too clever or too stupid in any group of people; either way, I always feel I’m trying to be what is expected of me, rather than being myself.