Endless repeat…

The purpose of my life seems to have ground to a halt.  I feel completely lost and cut off from everything, even my own desires.  I don’t have any focus; I feel I am merely counting down the days to the inevitable.  I feel imprisoned in my own body.  Physically and mentally I am worn down; unable to rouse myself to do anything.  I’m on auto-pilot going to work, and zombie-mode at home.  Every day seems the same.  Get up, go to work, come home, make dinner, go to bed.  Get up, go to work, come home, make dinner, go to bed.  Get up, go to work, come home, make dinner, go to bed.  Get up, go to work, come home, make dinner, go to bed… on endless repeat, peppered with chores of equal repetition; washing, cleaning, cooking, laundry, shopping…  This isn’t the life I ordered.  Mine was meant to be fun, full of laughs, full of exciting people, exotic locations, fast cars, hi-tech, warm, sunny (but not too hot) days and warm, twinkly nights.  You know, the life you see regurgitated 24-hours a-day on TV, in magazines, in books, on the side of  bus shelters…fucking everywhere.  I don’t know anyone who lives like that…everyone lives like me, lost and cut off from everything, physically drained and exhausted by the pressures of trying to get the life they see on the billboards, on the TV and in the magazines.  Here’s real life…

Nobody is celebrating this shit on their Facebook or Instagram.  There is no car advert  depicting the rain on the windscreen on a cold, wet, day in the Lidl car park (this is actually British summer time).  The view of your shitty office from your desk; armed Police on the street after the terror incident!

Life is hard and boring, but if you are very lucky you may get a job you like, which pays a reasonable salary, so you can buy stuff to distract you from the fact your life is hard and boring.  Another endless cycle.  Its not all bad, there’s the internet.  A fabulous tool which has the ability to make you feel better and worse about yourself in the same millisecond.  Thankfully, it also has kittens…the perfect antidote to all life’s ills and they don’t even know it!!

 

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